Talking to people have a tremendous power to attract or repel. And learning the right way to talk to people can benefit us and increase the quality of our lives. It can make people fall in love with you, it can make bosses hire you, and it keeps clients coming back to you.
Below are some practical techniques that you can use every day so you can talk to anyone and get whatever you want in life.
#1. Smile, but not too fast.
A big, warm smile is an asset, when it comes a little slower. Those who are slower to smile when meeting people are perceived as more credible especially in corporate life. In fact a slower appears more sincere and personalized for the recipient. It makes them feel that the smile was special and just for them. The right way to do it is to look at the person’s face for a second. Pause. And then let your big, warm smile flood over your face.
#2. Keep a good eye contact.
Maintaining a good eye contact can awaken feelings of respect and affection in the recipient. It can also make you look like an intelligent thinker. Keep good eye contact even when the person has finished speaking. When you must look away, do it slowly and reluctantly.
If the person you’re interested in, isn’t the one who’s talking, watch the speaker, but let your glance bounces to your target once the speaker finished a point. This way your target will feel you are intrigued by their reaction without feeling intimidated.
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#3. Have the posture of a big winner.
Big winners have the sort of glow one gets when a big jolt of happiness hits his heart. Only big winners have that kind of look constantly. They hold their head high, they stand with assurance, walk with confidence and smile softly. This posture communicates success to anyone who comes their way.
#4. Give your undivided attention.
“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care . . . about them.” - Zig Ziglar
The instant you are introduced to someone or you meet someone, give them a warm smile and an undivided attention. This makes the person feel very special.
A trick to help you give the person the attention he’s seeking, would be to imagine he was a good old friend of yours whom you haven’t seen in years and suddenly after all those years, the two of you are reunited.
#5. Limit the fidgeting.
When you’re trying to attract the person you’re conversing with, limit your fidgeting. Let your nose itch and your ear tingle. Hand motions near your face and fidgeting can give the other person the feeling that you’re not credible.
#6. Rehearse your confidence.
Visualize the confident person, you want to be ahead of time. See yourself walking around with a confident posture, shaking hands and smiling warmly to people. Hear yourself chatting comfortably with these people and feel the pleasure of knowing that you’ve made a good impression on them. If you can see yourself doing all that, you can definitely do it.
#7. Match their mood.
This is especially essential when having a small talk with someone. Detect your listener’s state of mind and match his mood. If he’s tired and starts to go about how long the day was, match his mood and tone of voice, if only for a moment. This helps them feel that they’re okay and that the two of you are similar and thus bring you both together.
#8. Find out their interests.
If someone brought up plants, then she might have a relationship with them. Ask her more about it. People love to talk about themselves and what interests them, and there’s no better way to start a conversation with someone than to ask him about what interests him.
#9. Accentuate the positive.
When meeting someone for the first time, make sure you accentuate everything positive about you. Some people might feel compelled to share some secret or reveal an intimacy in order to show their listener that their human beings too. It might work and get you both closer in some cases, but for the majority of cases, it’s best to leave these secrets for later in the relationship.
#10. Check out the latest news.
One of the best ways to always find something interesting to say is to check the latest news. Turn on the radio news and scan your newspaper. Being up to date with the latest news can also save you from asking what everyone is talking about.
#11. Don’t ask “what do you do?”.
The question “what do you do?” can throw people off guard. Some people don’t have a cool job, some women have chosen to devote themselves to motherhood and such a question might make them feel guilty. On the other hand, not asking the question will convince your listener that you’re enjoying their company for who they are and not for any networking reason. So instead, you can ask simply ask them “How do you spend most of your time?”
#12. "You" is a powerful word.
When we were infants, we thought we were the center of the universe. Nothing mattered but us. We didn’t change since then, and we’re still translating everything in terms of “How does that affect ME?”.
So when you want to compliment someone, instead of saying “that dress looks great on you.”, try saying “You look great in that dress” phrasing it that way, the person will feel great about themselves.
#13. Find out what the hot issues in their fields.
Every industry has issues and interests the outside world knows little about. So before conversing with a doctor, try to find out what hot issues are in their field. Asking a doctor about their specialty and their affiliations and relationships with their hospitals will definitely make you sound insightful and encourage your listener to talk more about themselves and open up to you.
A great way to find out what hot issues are in a certain field, is to ask a friend of yours who’s in that field.
Using the same choice of words as your listener creates an instant rapport that can bring a sense of warmth and closeness and make your listener open up to you. In fact, using the same words to describe something makes them feel you share their interests and experiences.
#15. Compliment them behind their backs.
Everyone loves receiving a compliment. However, giving an out of the blue compliment, face-to-face, might make the recipient assume that there’s something behind it other than being a genuine compliment. This is why praising people behind their backs, in front of someone who is close to the person you wish to compliment and who’s likely to report it back to him, is a great way to spark the interest of your desired person.