The Most Important Thing Your Husband Needs From You
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| Photo by Milan Popovic on Unsplash |
The primary emotion
that a man wants from his wife according to psychologists is "Respect".
On the other hand, the husband will give back, the love and the nurturing that
the wife craves.
This RESPECT manifests
in the following points:
#1. Respect His Knowledge And Judgment.
When he makes a
decision, don’t double guess him or doubt him. Don’t try to make him feel like
he’s not intelligent or not qualified to do whatever he wants to do. In other
words, don’t treat him like a child.
A classic example; the
husband would be driving and the wife thinks that this is the wrong way. The
wife would tell him « No, you should exit here. This is where you’re supposed
to exit from ». the husband becomes irritated « I know where I’m going. Don’t
worry, I know it’s right ahead ». What happened here is, the wife has doubted
her husband’s sense of power, sense of being in change and sense of
responsibility. And when a man is challenged, he becomes argumentative and
he’ll retreat back. But suppose the wife was right, well that leads us to point
number 2.
#2. Let The Husband Make His Own Mistakes And Learn From Them.
When he makes a
mistake, he won’t be able to get angry at anybody else. But when you make a
mistake and you tell your husband to make that mistake, you’ll be the one he’s
going to blame. Let him make his own mistakes and don’t become his mother.
Believe me, no man wants to marry a motherly figure. He doesn’t want his wife
to start lecturing him and to start daunting him like only his mother is
allowed to daunt him.
Back to the first
example, suppose he took the wrong turn and misses the exit, then he’s never
going to miss that exit ever again. He had learned from his mistake.
#3. Trust His Capability In Taking On The Projects That He Wants To Take On.
Don’t be sarcastic or
diminishing of any project he feels that he wants to do. For example, there’s a
leaky faucet and your husband comes in with the toolbox and you’re like «
You’re going to fix the leaky faucet ? ». you’ve taken his ego and you didn’t
just take a pin and prick, you took a knife and you thrust it in his heart. The
husband will say « If I can’t even take care of a leaky faucet, you don’t think
I’m capable of this, then what do you think I’m capable of ? ».
Men have big egos. So
if you do anything to diminish that ego, you have hurt male pride. So you let
the man foster his ego. If you think he’s self-deluded, let him be. He’ll love
you back in return.
The man feels he is
the protector. If you will challenge him and say, "how can you protect me
from a leaky faucet?" then you have basically said "I don’t trust
your judgment. I don’t feel you are qualified to take on protecting me and take
care of the household". The bottom line, let him take on his challenges
and find his own way to do it.
#4. When You Must Bring Up Something Negative, And Sometimes You Have To, Choose Your Wording And The Tone Of Your Voice With Great Caution.
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| Photo by taylor hernandez on Unsplash |
One of the reasons
that men complain about the nagging of their wives, is because they feel a
woman’s nagging is equivalent to disrespecting. Going back to our example, the
wife who always reminds the man of fixing the leaky faucet; « Honey you haven’t
fixed the faucet yet, can you fix the faucet, it has been a week, when are you
going to fix the faucet ». she’ll make the man feel a hatred to fix the faucet.
He’s going to feel bothered so much. This is not going to bring about a
positive change.
In his mind, the man
has other priorities, deadlines at work that is more important for him than the
leaky faucet... Instead, remind him in a gentle manner, « Honey I know I’ve
reminded you last week of the faucet, I know you have other things to do,
whenever you get the chance, will you take care of that? » It’s just a positive
attitude.
#5. If You Must Complain, Never Use The Word « You ! », Instead Use The Word « I ».
For example, your
husband comes home late and he didn’t call you. So you get angry at him. « You
never call me when you’re late. You should always call me. », here you’ve
daunted him and this is not going to bring about the love. Rather tell him «
Honey, you didn’t call me and you were late, and « I » was worried for you ».
This will give him
such a big guilt trip, he’ll go back to the moon and come back for you. Rather
than treat him like a child, you become the wife. This applies to every
situation, suppose your husband was a bit harsh in something that he said,
rather than saying « You always say that ! », you should say « I felt hurt when
you used that phrase ». change it back on you and the husband will feel guilty
rather than being attacked.
#6. Never Crack A Joke About Your Husband’s Honor Or Capabilities In Public.
It’s always going to
be very detrimental. The husband never wants to be made fun of by his wife. And
that is not going to bring about anything positive in the husband. The male ego
is fragile, so if you ridicule a project they did, in public, you are really
hurting his ego. Rather do the opposite, praise him.
Next time you’re at
your in-laws and you have his parents there, praise him. This will give him
encouragement to do more and love you more.
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