12 Relationship Lessons You Only Learn After A Breakup

Although we learn a lot about relationships when we're into one, we learn more when we're out of it. After grieving, we start to see things clearly without complications; without all the feelings that gets into the way of mind that prevents it from thinking straight. We start to see the big picture thus, we learn from our mistakes better. Below are some lessons you only learn after a breakup:



1- When being rejected and hurt, the best revenge isn’t to see the one who hurt you suffer or see him realizing your worth. If anything the best revenge is for you to be happy and to accept yourself the way you are, to stop seeking approval from the outside and to be yourself, even if he won’t see you becoming happy, the only one who needs to see how happy you are is you.

2- Sometimes when it comes to relationships, we think that we're the exception to the rules that's why we, stubbornly, refuse to listen to others who had been in our place. While every relationship is unique, sometimes to listen to the advice, especially when it comes from experts is important, not only to listen but to consider it too, and I'm not talking here about others intervening in your relationship and telling you what to do, but I'm talking about others' experiences that are like yours.

3- Although you know that things won't be the way you're imagining it. There's no perfect relationship. While a relationship might bring you some feeling of fulfillment, it might also bring you stress and misery at times. At the end, it's whether it's worth the try or you stay single! When we love we seem not able to think straight. They say love isn't blind, it's full of seeing and acceptance, you see all your partner's flaws, and you accept them all, unconditionally. No one is flawless, we obviously all agree on that, but sometimes, some things show up throughout the relationship as signs to tell you that you aren't meant for each other, thus it's useless to try to force things and that's where blindness lies.

4- When I went through a quiz to see what I want from a partner, I came out with attention and quality time. I thought how obvious it was to want such things, it's almost a granted right, except many relationships are too dry from attention and care that we stopped considering it as an obvious essential in a relationship and started wishing for it. Nothing can kill a relationship faster than not giving attention and care!

5- Sometimes it's not about the problem, it's about hearing us, we need someone to listen, we need to be able to share our problems and concerns, but we don't need someone to give us solutions or tell us what to do. Why be in that relationship if your partner doesn't want to listen! It was never about the way you think or talk, it's about your partner who doesn't want to listen, let alone understand, and then even when he apologize, it's hard to forgive him without screaming at him that he didn't understand you at all. He might not understand but then could any man? Yet at least he still can listen, now can't he?

6- Being single, even if you felt happy the way you are and like you don't need or want any man in your life, that doesn't mean that when you'll see some happy couples, you won't feel a slight hint of jealousy for not having anyone in your life to be happy with, and it's okay. Every situation has its pluses and minus, no situation is better than the other, you just have to enjoy every moment you have.

7- After you break up and you're over that relationship, thus you're no more angry or hurt, you'll feel lonely sometimes, mostly at night when you're not exhausted enough to sleep fast and not give a chance to those thoughts of him to haunt you, you'll miss him. You'll miss your relationship because no matter how many fights and arguments you had, there was certainly some good moments. You'll remember those moments and you'll remember how good it felt. It's okay to feel so, but it doesn't mean that you should go back or question your breakup decision. Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel, but watch out your actions. Not just because you can, that you should. Eventually, someone else will take his place and you'll together make other memories and moments, and you'll forget, that's why we have the ability to forget. Most of all, you'll be able to love again, harder even. As long as your heart is beating, you'll be able to love and forget and love again, until there's no more heartbeats there!

8- Sometimes when we see all those breakups and divorces, we stop believing in a lasting love, in a lasting relationship anymore and I myself get discouraged about getting involved in a relationship, I mean why to get into it when you're going to break up eventually. We seem to see the negative and forget that the positive and the good is more than the negative, look around you'll see for sure so many old couples that will make you believe again in a lifetime and a till-death-do-us-apart love! Someone else's failure shouldn't demotivate you from doing it because you're forgetting that if only once person failed, a lot of people did it and succeeded. When a marriage fails, remember that they're are too many happily married for decades.

9- Life might sound good at day, but at night, you feel awfully lonely without the companionship of a partner, it's nothing about sex, it's just about having someone to share your life with, someone who'll listen to you and hold you in his embrace when life is taught, when you feel like not holding on anymore, even the mere thought that you have someone in your life with whom you're deeply in love can do. Distance doesn't matter, sometimes it doesn't matter if you were in his embrace or world apart, love knows no distance.

10- If someone couldn't accept you or love you from the very beginning, then nothing will make them do. Don't fool yourself, what you do has nothing to do with love and acceptance. Not because you're going to act in some kind of way that they're going finally to love you. Don't fool yourself and let it go, accept that they won't change, they won't love you and they won't certainly accept you not now not ever, that's not likely to happen. You deserve unconditional love and acceptance, don't settle for less. 

No one wants to be that “another one” in someone’s life, we all want to feel important, but just because someone didn’t see you important doesn’t mean that you’re not important, you don’t need others’ approval, you’re worth all the care in the world.

11- A relationship can't work unless you accept yourself fully. It took me a failed relationship to learn this. I wasn't accepting myself, and I didn't know back then what doesn't mean to accept yourself nor how to do it. When I loved and found someone who cared about me, I was constantly asking for self-esteem and confidence from my partner, it feels good to know that someone cares for you and see you as a great person. Thus, all I wanted to hear is how much he loved me and so, and anything else didn't matter, I become very jealous, very vulnerable, trying hard to impress him... Only when I broke up and become single again that hard to find happiness and to be somebody of a worth, at first to prove him wrong about me being unworthy, leading an empty life, but in the process, I started doing the things I love, I started making new friends, traveling and working hard on my dreams, and right then I found myself and my happiness, not just that, but also I found some answers for why things didn't work out for my last relationship, it was me, I went into a relationship looking for someone to accept me because I couldn't accept myself.


12- The end of the relationship might seem as a reason to mourn, while it’s merely a part of the life cycle, “no life, life, no life” it’s not the end, it’s the beginning of a new relationship, that’s how you should view it, if you’ll get trap in the depression of the breakup, then you’re not allowing these feelings to be a part of life, and you’re then forgetting that endings becomes beginnings.

To refuse to love for the fear of getting hurt is like refusing to live for the fear of death. You got to accept that there is relationships and there is breakups, why to go through a relationship in the first place when we're going to break up! that's not the question. The question is what I got there to learn!