28 Real Relationship Facts No One Talks About





People constantly talk about relationships, they can give you heaps of dating and breakup tips. But what about what’s in between, the most important and longest part of the relationship? Below are some genuine facts about relationships, as common as they are, no one talks about:



1- “People often say that when couples are married for a long time, they start to look alike. I don’t believe that. But I do believe their sentences start to look alike.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



2- “Love is one kind of abstraction. And then there are those nights when I sleep alone, when I curl into a pillow that isn’t you, when I hear the tiptoe sounds that aren’t yours. It’s not as if I can conjure you there completely. I must embrace the idea of you instead.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



3- “I was the one who said we should live together. And even as I was doing it, I knew this would mean that I would be the one to blame if it all went wrong. Then I consoled myself with this: if it all went wrong, the last thing I’d care about was who was to blame for moving in together.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



4- “There has to be a moment at the beginning when you wonder whether you’re in love with the person or in love with the feeling of love itself. If the moment doesn’t pass, that’s it —– you’re done. And if the moment does pass, it never goes that far. It stands in the distance, ready for whenever you want it back.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



5- “The slight acne scars. The penny-sized, penny-shaped birthmark right above your knee. The dot below your shoulder that must have been from when you had chicken pox in third grade. The scratch on your neck — did I do that? This brief transcript of moments, written on the body, is so deeply satisfying to read.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



6- “I decided to clean my desk. I had thought you were busy in the kitchen. But then I heard you behind me, heard you ask: “What’s in the folder?” I’m sure I blushed when I told you they were printouts of your emails, with letters and notes from you pressed between them, like flowers in a dictionary. You didn’t say anything more, and I was grateful.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



7- “We do not divulge our histories chronologically. It’s not like we can sit each other down and say, “Tell me what happened,” and then rise from that conversation knowing everything. Most of the time, we don’t even realize that we’re dividing ourselves into clues. You’ll say, “That was before my dad left my mom,” and I’ll say, “Your dad left your mom?” Or I’ll say, “That was right before Jamie told me we should just be friends,” and you’ll ask, “Who’s Jamie?” I’ll swear Jamie was on that initial roll call of heartbreak (perfect for any second date), but maybe I forgot, or maybe you’ve forgotten. I swear I told you I was allergic to sunflowers. You might have told me your sister once pulled out a handful of your hair, and you were both terrified when your scalp bled. But I don’t think you did. I think I’d remember that. Tell me again.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



8- “Some familiarity came easy — letting myself laugh even though I guffaw, sharing my shortcomings, walking around the apartment naked. And some intimacy came eventually — peeing in the toilet while you are right there in the shower, or finishing something you’ve half eaten. But no matter how I try, I still can’t write in my journal when you’re in the room. It’s not even that I’m writing about you (although often I am). I just need to know that nobody’s reading over my shoulder, about to ask me what I’m writing. I want to sequester this one part of me from everyone else. I want the act to be a secret, even if the words can only hold themselves secret for so long.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



9- “It swings both ways, really. I’ll see your hat on the table and I’ll feel such longing for you, even if you’re only in the other room. If I know you aren’t looking, I’ll hold the green wool up to my face, inhale that echo of your shampoo and the cold air from outside. But then I’ll walk into the bathroom and find you’ve forgotten to put the cap back on the toothpaste again, and it will be this splinter that I just keep stepping on.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



10- “Just when it would seem like we were at a complete standstill, the tiebreakers would save us. If Emily’s birthday party and Evan’s birthday party were on the same night, we’d go to the movies instead of having to choose. If I wanted Mexican and you wanted Italian, we’d take it as a sign to go for Thai. If I wanted to get back to New York and you wanted to spend another night in Boston, we’d find a bed-and-breakfast somewhere in between. Even if neither of us got what we wanted, we found freedom in the third choices.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan

11- “You catch me sometimes. You’ll say I’m drifting off, and I’ll apologize, trying to snap back to the present. But I should say this: Even when I detach, I care. You can be separate from a thing and still care about it. If I wanted to detach completely, I would move my body away. I would stop the conversation midsentence. I would leave the bed. Instead, I hover over it for a second. I glance off in another direction. But I always glance back at you.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



12- “The first three nights we spent together, I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t used to your breathing, your feet on my legs, your weight in the bed. In truth, I still sleep better when I’m alone. But now I allow that sleep isn’t always the most important thing.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan








13- “(finances, n)

You wanted to keep the list on the refrigerator. “No,” I said. “That’s too public.” What I meant was: Aren’t you embarrassed by how much you owe me?”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan

14- “The natural state. Our moods change. Our lives change. Our feelings for each other change. Our bearings change. The song changes. The air changes. The temperature of the shower changes. Accept this. We must accept this.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



15- ““It’s up to you,” you said, the graciousness of the cheater toward the cheatee. I guess I don’t believe in a small break. I feel a break is a break, and if it starts small, it only gets wider. So I said I wanted you to stay, even though nothing could stay the same.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



16- “It scares me how hard it is to remember life before you. I can’t even make the comparisons anymore, because my memories of that time have all the depth of a photograph. It seems foolish to play games of better and worse. It’s simply a matter of is and is no longer.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



17- “What a strange phrase — –not seeing other people. As if it’s been constructed to be a lie. We see other people all the time. The question is what we do about it.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



18- “Fuck you for cheating on me. Fuck you for reducing it to the word cheating. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Who came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine. Someone who thought liar was too harsh. Someone who thought devastator was too emotional. The same person who thought, oops, he’d gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Fuck you. This isn’t about slipping yourself an extra twenty dollars of Monopoly money. These are our lives. You went and broke our lives. You are so much worse than a cheater. You killed something. And you killed it when its back was turned.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



19- “Last night, I got up the courage to ask you if you regretted us. “There are things I miss,” you said. “But if I didn’t have you, I’d miss more.””

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



20- “There are millions upon millions of people who have been through this before — why is it that no one can give me good advice?”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



21- “That’s the dilemma, isn’t it? When you’re single, there’s the sadness and joy of only me. And when you’re paired, there’s the sadness and joy of only you.

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



22- “Those first few weeks, after you told me, I wasn’t sure we were going to make it. After working for so long on being sure of each other, sure of this thing, suddenly we were unsure again. I didn’t know whether or not to touch you, sleep with you, have sex with you. Finally, I said, “It’s over.” You started to cry, and I quickly said, “No — I mean this part is over. We have to get to the next part.””

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



23- “I want to take back at least half of the “I love you”s, because I didn’t mean them as much as the other ones. I want to take back the book of artsy photos I gave you, because you didn’t get it and said it was hipster trash. I want to take back what I said about you being an emotional zombie. I want to take back the time I called you “honey” in front of your sister and you looked like I had just shown her pictures of us having sex. I want to take back the wineglass I broke when I was mad, because it was a nice wineglass and the argument would have ended anyway. I want to take back the time we had sex in a rent-a-car, not because I feel bad about the people who got the car after us, but because it was massively uncomfortable. I want to take back the trust I had while you were away in Austin. I want to take back the time I said you were a genius, because I was being sarcastic and I should have just said you’d hurt my feelings. I want to take back the secrets I told you so I can decide now whether to tell them to you again. I want to take back the piece of me that lies in you, to see if I truly miss it. I want to take back at least half the “I love you”s, because it feels safer that way.

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



24- “I don’t want to be the strong one, but I don’t want to be the weak one, either. Why does it feel like it’s always one or the other? When we embrace, one of us is always holding the other a little tighter.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



25- “I don’t like it when you use my shampoo, because then your hair smells like me, not you.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



26- “At the end of the French movie, the lover sings, “Love me less, but love me for a long time.””

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



27- “You never let things go unanswered for too long. Emails. Phone calls. Questions. As if you know the waiting is the hardest part for me.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan



28- “I’ll go for a drink with friends after work, and even though I have you, I still want to be desirable. I’ll fix my hair as if it’s a date. I’ll check out the room along with everyone else. If someone comes to flirt with me, I will flirt back, but only up to a point. You have nothing to worry about — it never gets further than the question about where I live. And in New York, that’s usually the second or third question. But for that first question, where it still seems like it might be possible, I look for that confirmation that if I didn’t have you, I’d still be a person someone would want.”

THE LOVER'S DICTIONARY - David Levithan







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