As you read articles on the internet or self-help books, you’ll find out that there’s no magical solution for any problem. In this life, magic doesn’t work, but efforts definitely pay back. If anything, you don’t actually need a magical solution, you just need to understand the problem. The more you understand life, yourself and others, the more things gets easy for you, and then you’ll figure out your own solutions. Below are lessons smart people learn by the time they turn 20:
1 - You have to understand that when the fact that someone is being beneficial with you has nothing to do with you, but it’s him being dependant not only on you but on everyone around him. Being used isn’t about you, not as you might think it is. No one goes out there, with the sole purpose of using someone else and make a hell out of his life. No! They do what they do because of who they are. It shouldn’t make you think any less of yourself, especially, it shouldn’t hold you from trusting other people just the same. You’ll just have to learn how to deal better with those people.
2- When You feel sad, don’t repress the feeling. One should feel what he has to feel, but at the same time don’t dramatize it. Go to the source of the sadness, to the roots and embrace it. It doesn’t have to include sobbing or any extreme feelings, just embrace it and stop running away from it. Don’t be afraid to experience it, because it’s the only way that will set you free. Give it some time. You won’t be always feeling the way you feel right now. Someday, you’ll wake up and you wouldn’t even care to think about it, much less feel sad.
3- While you’re hating someone, that very person might be enjoying himself and his life. Therefore it’s useless to hate anyone, it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Instead forget about him and enjoy yourself, that’s the best revenge, even if he wouldn’t be around to see how happy you are. The only person you should show how happy you are, is you.
4-Be yourself, and don’t let people change you into someone you’re not. At the same time that doesn’t mean to be rude just because you felt like it. Kindness is always easier, be good to everyone. Do good as much as you can for as many people as you can. Even a smile can make someone’s day. Life is much easier when you have friends and the best thing that can start a friendship is a cheerful smile. We live in a community because we need each other, and as much as one needs help, we also needs to help. One can sense a huge satisfaction from helping someone else and making his life a little better, so don’t deny yourself such satisfaction.
5- The goal of life isn’t to be happy, even though we constantly seek to be happy and lead a happy life. Simply because happiness can’t be guaranteed at every single moment. Tere will be moments of sadness, worrying, intensity… and while you should always choose happiness as often as you can, you shouldn’t feel guilty or bad whenever you feel like you’ve failed to be happy at a given moment, it’s okay to let yourself feel different feelings.
In the words of King Solomon:
"Everything has its season. And there is a time
for everything under the heaven."
"A time to be born and a time to die."
"A time to weep and time to laugh."
"A time to wail and time to dance."
"A time to rend and time to mend."
"A time to be silent and a time to speak."
"A time to love and a time to hate."
"A time for war and a time for peace."
6- It doesn’t matter if you were beautiful or not, because it’s not about having a pretty face as much as it is about having the confidence to give people the impression that you’re handsome and that you know it.
7- Every dream starts with a wish. Then comes the doubt that it may not work, that you might be dreaming too big. Right then you should remember that we’re living many of the dreams we once dreamed, only we can’t seem to notice it when it happens, or probably we forget how bad we wanted it to happen. The thing isn’t that you’re not allowed to doubt your dreams, but you should remind yourself of the dreams you’re living that once you thought were impossible, each time you start to doubt your dreams.
8- Each one of us considers himself too important that his toothache becomes more important than the famine in Africa. It’s normal to see yourself important, it’s in our nature. Still, every now and then you got to remind yourself not to take things or yourself too seriously. You got to let things be and to give your attention to the outside world, enough of being too self-centered. Step out of your comfort zone, and embrace the other, be after their needs and you won’t have to worry about your needs any more. We rise by lifting others! Easy to say, hard to remember at every given moment, still you’ll have to try again and again.
9- It’s normal for a child to fall. When he screams, he doesn’t need for you to heal his wounds, he just needs a hug, to tell him that it’ll all be fine. Even a kiss, he believes, would heal his wounds. If he was kissed and stroked, then the pain will be gone instantly, and then he’ll be off playing again. What’s so hard to understand about it, why to deny a child his right to be comforted! Why to ask him not to cry? As if he doesn’t deserve to be comforted when being in pain. The same goes for us, adults, we need to be comforted, only many of us believe, subconsciously, that they don’t deserve it because when they were infants, they had been told not to cry.
10- We all obsess about standards, the ones that society sets for us, a certain kind of way to be. And unless you meet those standards, people will look down at you, and one might beat himself up for not meeting those standards. Well, there will always be standards much higher than you can reach, but then standards doesn’t bring happiness. You still can be yourself and be happy if you only accepted yourself the way you are.
11- It’s on those moments of hopelessness that we start to question life most. We start to think how hard it is, and we remember how easy it used to be when we were younger, we wish we can go back there. And then we wonder if it will ever get easier, whether we've ridden out the worst trials or whether there are more ahead. Even though, minutes before we used to feel happy and life looked so bright. If anything, our lives are defined, not by circumstances, but by our attitude. If you choose to worry and see your problems, life would sound painful, but if you choose to see the good about every situation, hope will find its way and life will be fun.
12- We thought that as being children we had been too sensitive and that once we grow up, we will become stronger and more confident. Little did we know. We grew up and the scars got deeper. We get hurt easily and when it happens, it’s often too painful. How come being a child was easier! No one deserves a hard life, but we don’t get what we deserve in this life, we get what we get, and live with it just the same.