The past is meant to learn from it, no matter how hard it was, you shouldn't run away from it. After grieving and taking your time to heal your soul, learn your lesson and make peace with your past and with the ones who hurt you. Below are some thoughts I had after a failed relationship:
1- Some things just aren't meant to be, no matter how badly you want it. You can't force everything. You can't control everything. Some things are meant to be accepted the way they are, for the good though. You know that it was best to break up before it gets any worse, and so in order to meet someone who's better. Even though you're convincing yourself with every single reason that you won't find anyone who's better because you dwell on lies, those sweet moments that your fantasies had been giving them a big shade. You forget all about the bad, those reasons why it can't work. After all, you hate a lot of things about him, you just wish for him to change, and that hope had let you imagine him all changed and flawless.
2- To have your heart beating hard at the sight of someone or at the mere thought of him, doesn't necessarily mean that you fell in love. You can probably be merely attracted. As much as you might sound excited to fall in love and experience some intense feelings, you shouldn't mistake love for other feelings that are temporary. You can't say you love someone until you know him well enough, and if it is meant to be, the more you'll know about him, the more you'll fall in love and so it goes for him, the more you'll let him get to know you, the more he'll fall in love with you. But if he didn't like something about you and made you feel like he isn't accepting you for who you are, then maybe you should stop believing the word I love you and start to consider that he's merely attracted to you, nothing more. If love can conquer it all and defeat all the differences then it's only when it exists in the first place.
3- I guess what affects us most and change us after a breakup, isn't the loss, not even loving him or needing him by our side, but something different, it is the hurt of the thought that you can't be loved or desired enough. Sometimes you wish for him to love you or to come to the realization that he does love you, even though you know well that you don't love him or want him anymore, but simply to feel desirable and worth all the love and care.
4- What hurts the most is to feel after all those years you've been loving him, unimportnant for him, to see how easy it was for him to forget you, and you wish you never talked to him after that breakup, at least you wouldn't be hating him and hating yourself that much, and you would have kept some good memories of that relationship at least.
I don't know what else would probably help me feel better about myself and stop this irritating thought of me obsessing about being desirable. Deep inside I know that it has nothing to do with me the fact that he didn't love me, I know that anyone can be loved, and if one thing, only the imperfect could possibly be loved, for that perfection can't be loved but admired, and so I can't see why am I trying so hard to become perfect.
5- Men can lie really well, they can get too innocent when they lie too. But a sure thing, their deeds can't lie. I'm not saying not to trust them but at some point, you got to stop hearing their words and excuses and start looking at their deeds.
6- When I saw the bad things in my ex, I thought that a man can't get any worse, and if I ever wanted to meet the perfect man, all I'll have to do is wishing for someone who is nothing like my ex! Just that simple. But then my ex wasn't all bad, he had his good side, some sweet side, and at the end, no one is perfect, if my new significant person won't be having my ex's flaws, that doesn't mean that he hasn't any. Just appreciate the good about your partner and accept the bad. It's all about loving someone, who is imperfect, perfectly.
7- Don't lose faith in love just because your last relationship didn't go well. You shouldn't let one failed relationship keep you from opening your heart again because that would be a real tragedy. You have so much love to give. Don't be impulsive trying to avoid another mistake. Start taking chances again. If someone feels right, open your heart.
8- When you come out of a breakup, you learn a lot of things that you actually wish you had known before. Ironically, often we seem to read or hear about those things you learned, but it's just you who let it slip by without a second thought and as a result, you had to go through a failed relationship to learn the lesson well. All those things I thought no one told me before I got into a relationship, I was shocked to find them on my journal on social media, I was posting those precious lessons I came out with, all along the way without really learning them. Sometimes no matter how much you read or hear from others' experiences you won't understand it until you experience it.
9- I learned that where heart and feelings are concerned, logic and reason have no place. When I stayed just friends with my ex, after I took my time and I got past him, surprisingly we got along just fine. Feelings, often, complicate everything and let no place for the reason to speak. I will say that everything needs to be in moderation, too much feelings can suffocate our lives sometimes.
10- Sometimes you can't really change when you're stuck in a toxic relationship. Sometimes it'll take a failed relationship for you to change. Feelings can be distracting and only when you have your distance that you'll be able to see things clearly and think straight, only then you can learn from your mistakes and change for real.
You see, when being in love, we can't seem to keep our senses intact, we can't seem to be thinking straight, let alone to hear someone else's advises, especially if it was against that relationship. If it's going to take from you a failed relationship to consider this, then fine whatever it takes.