I always wanted to feel in control, whatever I didn't like I would change it and lately I found out that I'm the type of person who wouldn't take a "No" for an answer! It can actually be a good thing when it comes to working on your dreams, but other times it can be a harmful thing.
In my family Dad would always get me anything I ask for, even if it means to take it away from my brothers and have it only for myself, he would never say no to me. But as I grow up, I decided that I don't want to be demandant, enough from getting and I decided that I would be satisfied with what I have right now and only ask when I really need! But this decision wasn't enough, it didn't make me see how big the problem was!
I've always had the partners I wanted, who ever I talked to, I would get him until I decide that he wasn't worth and I break up, until it came to someone who already had a girlfriend with whom he was for three years. I wouldn't take a "No" for an answer. I wouldn't care about his girlfriend, they can breake up as long as I want the guy!
But then I've came to realize that this was an obsession with me and that it's high time for me to understand that I don't have to get everything I want. it's okay not to have it all, it's okay to be rejected from what you wanted, it would be a sort of self-controlling.
I was rather happy that I didn't get it this time, it's refreshing! I like to live life as it's supposed to be lived, and it's not supposed to be a pefect one, where you have everything you could wish for.
If you think that having it all would make life perfect, then you're wrong, actually not having everything is the perfect! at least as long as it feels better! It sounds ironic to say so, but it's a fact, the more you have the sadder you get, happiness isn't in requiring, nor in not having at all, it's rather in being satisfied with what you have! When you think and feel like what you have right now is enough, then it would be enough.
It took me a long time to realize that I'm knocking doors from the inside, because I used to set up conditions to be happy, I thought that I wouldn't be happy until I get that car, or that partner, or those clothes...
Well, I got them, but I never got happy, at the opposite, the more I bought, the more disappointed I felt. I then decided that I don't need anything else to be happy. I stopped buying things I don't need. Makeup and creams run out of date and now I have none of them. I just use olive oil, I take food from home to work, whenever I wanted to go out, I wouldn't go the coffee shops and fancy restauants, I would rather go somewhere free, to the nature, I'm a huge lover of the sea so I just go out with friends and have a nice time laughing and taking pictures. I've reorganized my closet only to find clothes I never knew I had.
Now when I want someone, I know that not getting him won't be the end of the world, it can actually be a good thing, he can not be that good, and I might not be happy with him! but I'll give it a try just the same.
Life now is much simpler, much peaceful, I sleep much better now only to wake up more than excited to start the day and explore new things and go to new places!