A Note To My Dear Self

When I look at my reflection in the mirror, I see complexes but I see acceptance as well.

It's really hard to feel your value and worthiness when others keep underestimating you, deep inside you know that it's an inside job, and that it's up to you to keep reminding yourself that you're good enough and that you don't need others' approval.

Easy said than done! You make that decision to not look for others' approval every day, sometimes you feel confident, other times, you don't feel quite good about yourself.

I didn't want to care about society standards, I valued my mind and soul more than my face, I was that girl who would be always underdressed, who would go out with her true, natural face with no makeup on, but a sunscreen to protect her skin. I would buy a book before clothes. I never wanted to be a face, I wanted to be a wise mind. 

Even When one of my parents tells me he was disappointed in me, it’s not what makes me feel bad, it was the fact that many of us don’t have even the right to be ourselves, to live and experience, to make mistakes and learn from them and to be responsible for ourselves and our lives, often our actions are commanded by society; by our parents and people around us in general. It’s not like it would change anything or hold me from living my life the way I want, but again, it’s just the fact that you don’t get the slightest respect for who you are or the life you chose to lead.

I was once with my little brother on the beach helping him collect some shells, he asked me to only pick beautiful ones, I asked “how do you know if it’s a beautiful shell?” He said “the one that there’s not much like it!”. It was only then that I knew what does it mean to be beautiful, it was definitely nothing like society’s standards. It was being special. If you’re special, then you’re beautiful.

We all thrive for acceptance, we want to feel loved and cared about, to feel important and irreplaceable, yet often we're doing it the wrong way, I've spent my whole life trying to meet others' standards, be the way they wanted me to be, which left me not being able to be myself, always shy and hesitant when it comes to expressing myself, fearing that they won't hear me out or that they won't like what I'm going to say and think less of me. I should have been myself all this time and he who couldn't accept me the way I am can leave! 

Right now all I care about is what I can do with what I had and how can I help others and leave this world a brighter place, each minute passing by without doing something to help someone else is for me a regretted moment. I found my happiness in making others happy, in making their lives a little easier and brighter. I found out that what I give is what I receive back. If I give love, my life then will become full of love, when I help someone else, I'm actually helping myself. When I give something away, I becoming richer! I live to give and by giving I live.

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