When you break up, whether it was your decision or his, it hurts just the same. Because your ex doesn't just leave you, but he takes your dreams and fantasies with him too, he takes the dates that you're yet to go on, the love and intimacy that you're yet to share and that you've been fantasizing about for so long, like a bomb who shatter in your house and destroy all your cherished furniture.
Sometimes holding on makes us strong, but other times it is letting go that reveals true strength.
So how to get over a breakup?
1- Don't force it, let things be:
Let yourself grieve and feel sad, it's your body's reaction to prevent any health problems. Don't hold your tears back, it's a healing to cry. The first days will be hard, let it be, don't think much about it, or try to understand and overanalysing it, answers will come at the right time. Few days will do, don't take any longer. After grieving, move on with your life, get distracted.
2- See the bad about your ex:
No one is flawless, but love makes us see the person we love perfect, at least for us. But in fact, he has flaws, and when you want to forget about him and get over him, you need to stop thinking about the good in him and start to see the bad, the reason why you broke up and you couldn't continue together. That way you'll stop thinking that you won't find anyone who's better and you won't regret letting go of him.
After some time, some of us, when they think about their exes, we remember the good side of them, the things that attracted us to them at first, thus we give them a modified, ideal image that makes us unable to find anyone who will meet those standards, and who can meet such standards? They key here is to see the whole picture, to remember the bad about your ex, the reason why you broke up.
It's not about losing someone as much as it is about your own happiness. In a relationship, it doesn't matter if your partner is perfect or not, what does is whether you're happy with him or not. Not that you should expect him to make you happy, but to expect him not to make you miserable at least, and to enjoy being together, if not, you have nothing to regret if you break up with him.
3- Keep your distance:
It's important to keep a distance from your ex and from anything that might remind you of him while trying to forget him and get over him. Distance helps you forget. Only when you stop touching your wounds that it'll heal. Let the past be past, it's not healthy to hold on to someone or something that is no longer a significant part of your life.
Stop checking his facebook account, throw his pictures, delete his texts from your phone, his number... anything! Scientifically, you need more than three months to get over someone you loved truly and while doing so, you'll have to keep your distance.
You still can stay friends with your ex, not exactly the best friends, but at least he won't be someone to avoid or to feel uncomfortable about seeing him. After all, it's good to let go of any grudges or hatred and be in peace with him, still not right away, you'll have to get over him fully first!
4- Do something you love:
Fill your time, don't let there be any time left to think about him. Everyone has passions, things they enjoy doing. Figure out what you love to do and do it, whether it was music, writing, reading, sports... Let it be your new source of contentment. Your relationship will leave a void in your life, your ex will leave a void. Even when you're not together, you used to think about him a lot. Now that you're single again, you got to make sure you fill that void lets it will make you keep thinking about your lost love. Now you have to think about other things and you have to go out with your friends.
Now that you're single again, it's a chance to know and learn more about yourself, to figure out your plans for the future and set up some dreams that doesn't have to include anyone but you. The world now is all yours!
You'll need to socialize more than any time before, surround yourself with people you love, your closest friends, family... You'll find a great relief when you talk to someone you enjoy his company. Not necessarily talking about your ex, but anything. Talking itself is a healing.
Go out with friends, keep in touch with them, but don't get alone. The thoughts of our lost love seem to haunt us most when we're alone, don't give it a chance to get on you and leave you trapped in your grieve, you'll eventually will forget about it after some time.
6- Consider the good about it:
What you've learned from your relationship, the strength you got from holding on and not settling for the pain and sadness. Breaking up from a toxic relationship is the best thing you can do, Which do you prefer staying in that relationship and keep being miserable or breaking up and give yourself a chance to be happy again and find a better love?
Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him.
7- Take responsibility for your own life:
No one is supposed to make you happy, you owe it to yourself to be so. Stop thinking that you need a man to be happy, because happiness isn't in circumstances but in our attitude. Move on with your life, you have more to live than crying over one failed relationship.
8- Help others:
Helping people can be the best comforter right now. When you see others' problems, it will certainly ease the way you feel about your own problems and grieve. Many are happy with less than you have, and many are happy even with having much more problems than you think you have, so be grateful. They say the best way to be happy is to make someone else happy because when you see the difference your existence made, you'll feel more excited about life and you'll feel good about yourself.
9- Change the music:
Hear different music playlists than the ones you used to hear when you're in that relationship because music helps us remember, and certainly, you've been thinking about your ex with probably every single song you used to hear whatever it was its subject, so you probably want to have a fresh start with a fresh playlist.
10- Living well is the best revenge:
It’s normal to feel angry and hate your ex right after a breakup or a divorce, but what is not normal, is to obsess about your hate that you might spend so much time fantasizing about revenge, seeing him suffering, wishing he would come back and beg you to get together and you would say no. Ask yourself “does it change anything to hate him and wish him ill?”, is it making your life better? Is it making him any miserable? You’re probably who’s suffering because you filled your head with these negative thoughts, you probably had been talking about it to your friends, annoying them to tears, while he’s probably out there enjoying his life.
In this life, every beginning has an ending, but then every ending has a new beginning, it’s this cycle of life “no-thing, thing, no-thing” and what you don’t realize is that endings are nothing but beginnings in disguise. It’s okay to feel angry, sad and grieve, you got to allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, just don’t get trapped into those feelings. The best revenge is to live well, even if your ex won’t know about it, the satisfaction that you didn’t settle for sadness and lived well would be enough for you, that’s the best revenge.
The best thing that can ever happen to you is to fall hard in love, because no matter how things will turn to be, no matter if you're going to get hurt or not, after the pain subsided, it will only remain the sweet, precious memories, you won't miss the person, you'll just miss the moments!
"Don't let the heart that didn't love you, keep you from the one that will."
“When you feel happy, really happy, it somehow seems that you’ve always been happy and that you’ll always be happy. The same is often true when you feel sad, or lonely, or depressed, or broke, or sick, or scared. Something, perhaps, to remember.” —Notes From The Universe
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