Men have an intimacy cycle that is different from the women’s, it involves getting close, then pulling back and again getting close, exactly like a rubber band; it can only stretch so far only to come springing back.

It’s a natural cycle for a man, it’s not his decision nor it is his choice. It’s not his fault, nor it is his woman’s.

Women, on the other hand, get confused when their man pulls away. It’s understandable because a woman only pulls away when she doesn’t trust her man to understand her feelings, when she had been hurt and is afraid of getting hurt again or when he had disappointed her. Therefore, most women misinterpret their men retreat.

In a loving relationship, a man cares a lot about his partner, he tries his best to fulfill her needs and desires, gradually he starts to lose his sense of self and feel the need to retreat in order to re-establish his personal boundaries and fulfill his need for independence.

A man pulls away to fulfill his needs for independence and autonomy, he alternates between fulfilling his needs for intimacy and then fulfilling his needs for autonomy. When a man has fulfilled his need for intimacy, he retreats and distances himself until he fulfills his need for autonomy, then he’ll feel again the need for love and intimacy and he’ll come springing back. He doesn’t need time to get reacquainted again, he’ll pick up the relationship from the same point of intimacy he left when he pulled away. This might be confusing for the woman, because for her, if she had pulled away, she’ll need a period of reacquaintance, as a result, she probably will find it hard to trust her man’s sudden desire for intimacy.



A Woman often panics when she feels her man is distancing himself from her given that he does that without an explanation. She thinks she had done or said something that has turned him off and she fears that he’ll never come back again.

To make matters worse, she tries to run after him which would only make her man even more distant and would prevent him from feeling his need for intimacy and to be with her again. If a man never gets the chance to pull away, he won’t feel the need to be close. If anything, the more the woman runs after her man, the more he’ll try to escape her and distance himself. It’s not what she says that triggers his retreat, but when she says it. A woman pushes her man to talk about his feelings when she notices how distance he became, at that time and that phase of his intimacy cycle, the man needs his own time and space and pushing him to talk about his feelings, would only push him away farther.

A man himself doesn’t understand the cycle of intimacy he goes through, that’s why when a woman questions his pulling away, he can’t find an explanation, it just happens. It wasn’t his choice, nor was it his decision. Both of them, without understanding this cycle, might easily start doubting their love for each other; the woman is watching her man distant and rejecting when approached and the man can’t get in touch with his needs for intimacy and get close because his woman is running after him.

Moreover, when the man wants to get closer again, a woman might find it difficult to initiate the conversation. She’s afraid because the last time she talked, her man has withdrawn, she mistakenly assumes that he won’t listen. She might also assume that he’s upset with her and therefore, will wait for him to initiate a conversation or also, she might approach her man by asking questions about his feelings and if anything was wrong which might be confusing for a man, because, for him, nothing is wrong.



When a man doesn’t pull away, because he thinks that as a couple, they shouldn’t spend time apart or because he feels guilty when he spends some time alone, if he doesn’t pull away, after a while, few symptoms are to arise, like moodiness, feeling irritable and defensive… His natural intimacy cycle is broken, he doesn’t feel balanced anymore and problems begin to arise in the relationship.



Women, here’s what to do:

Accept that your man needs his space. When he withdraws, don’t run after him and trust that he’ll come back when he’s ready.

The more you’ll accept that part of him, the sooner he’ll come springing back.

When your man is pulling away, it’s not the time to talk or try to get closer. Eventually, he’ll come back, and will be supportive and loving as though nothing had happened, that’s the time to talk.

Initiate the conversation, not by asking him about his feelings and the reasons why he retreated, but by sharing even if he has little to say. Appreciate him for listening and gradually your man will have more to say and begin to open up to you. You can say something along the following: “My dear, would you listen to me for a while, I’ve had a hard day and I would appreciate you listening to me, it would make me feel much better.” Men, unfortunately, don’t realize how important talking is for women. Without being appreciated and encouraged, a man might lose interest in listening, he might feel as though he’s not being useful.

You need to understand that a man doesn’t talk for the sake of talking, he needs a reason to talk, when you start sharing with him, he eventually will relate to the things you’re sharing and start talking.

Don’t demand from him to talk, if being pushed a man will resist even if he has things to share. Instead of rejecting your man’s silence, learn to appreciate it, for it makes him a better listener. Your man needs to feel accepted before he can open up and talk.

When your man is pulling away, this is a chance for you to be independent, to take better care of yourself and have some time for yourself, you can do the things you enjoy doing, you can go out with your girl friends and cherish your relationships with them.




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Relationships are so important in our lives. Many studies have proven how big of an effect our relationships might have on our lives. The happier and balanced your relationship is, the happier life you're likely to lead. Needless to say, when it comes to getting married, it's so crucial to choose well at what age you should marry and most importantly whom to marry. Though no one can give you the right answers when it comes to relationships, still, it helps to read further about the subject, especially when you're about to tie the knot. Below are some quotes by the author of Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert you'll need to read before getting married: 





1- Like anyone who has ever walked through the valley of the shadow of divorce, Felipe and I had each learned firsthand this distressing truth: that every intimacy carries, secreted somewhere below its initial lovely surfaces, the evercoiled makings of complete catastrophe. We had also learned that marriage is an estate that is very much easier to enter than it is to exit. Unfenced by law, the unmarried lover can quit a bad relationship at any time. But you--the legally married person who wants to escape doomed love--may soon discover that a significant portion of your marriage contract belongs to the State, and that it sometimes takes a very long while for the State to grant you your leave. Thus, you can feasibly find yourself trapped for months or even years in a loveless legal bond that has come to feel rather like a burning building. A burning building in which you, my friend, are handcuffed to a radiator somewhere down in the basement, unable to wrench yourself free, while the smoke billows forth and the rafters are collapsing . .


- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT




2- In the modern industrialized Western world, where I come from, the person whom you choose to marry is perhaps the single most vivid representation of your own personality. Your spouse becomes the most gleaming possible mirror through which your emotional individualism is reflected back to the world. There is no choice more intensely personal, after all, than whom you choose to marry; that choice tells us, to a large extent, who you are. So if you ask any typical modern Western woman how she met her husband, when she met her husband, and why she fell in love with her husband, you can be plenty sure that you will be told a complete, complex, and deeply personal narrative which that woman has not only spun carefully around the entire experience, but which she has memorized, internalized, and scrutinized for clues as to her own selfhood. Moreover, she will more than likely share this story with you quite openly--even if you are a perfect stranger. In fact, I have found over the years that the question "How did you meet your husband?" is one of the best conversational icebreakers ever invented. In my experience, it doesn't even matter whether that woman's marriage has been happy or a disaster: It will still be relayed to you as a vitally important story about her emotional being--perhaps even the most vitally important story about her emotional being.

Whoever that modern Western woman is, I can promise you that her story will concern two people--herself and her spouse--who, like characters in a novel or movie, are presumed to have been on some kind of personal life's journeys before meeting each other, and whose journeys then intersected at a fateful moment. (For instance: "I was living in San Francisco that summer, and I had no intention of staying much longer--until I met Jim at that party.") The story will probably have drama and suspense ("He thought I was dating the guy I was there with, but that was just my gay friend Larry!"). The story will have doubts ("He wasn't really my type; I normally go for guys who are more intellectual"). Critically, the story will end either with salvation ("Now I can't imagine my life without him!"), or--if things have turned sour--with recriminating second-guesses ("Why didn't I admit to myself right away that he was an alcoholic and a liar?").

Whatever the details, you can be certain that the modern Western woman's love story will have been examined by her from every possible angle, and that, over the years, her narrative will have been either hammered into a golden epic myth or embalmed into a bitter cautionary tale.



- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT




3- Believe me, modern Western marriage has much to recommend it over traditional Hmong marriage (starting with its kidnapping-free spirit), and I will say it again: I would not trade lives with those women. They will never know my range of freedom; they will never have my education; they will never have my health and prosperity; they will never be allowed to explore so many aspects of their own natures. But there is one critical gift that a traditional Hmong bride almost always receives on her wedding day which all too often eludes the modern Western bride, and that is the gift of certainty. When you have only one path set before you, you can generally feel confident that it was the correct path to have taken. And a bride whose expectations for happiness are kept necessarily low to begin with is more protected, perhaps, from the risk of devastating disappointments down the road.

- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT




4- We Americans often say that marriage is "hard work." I'm not sure the Hmong would understand this notion. Life is hard work, of course, and work is very hard work--I'm quite certain they would agree with those statements--but how does marriage become hard work? Here's how: Marriage becomes hard work once you have poured the entirety of your life's expectations for happiness into the hands of one mere person. Keeping that going is hard work. A recent survey of young American women found that what women are seeking these days in a husband--more than anything else--is a man who will "inspire" them, which is, by any measure, a tall order. As a point of comparison, young women of the same age, surveyed back in the 1920s, were more likely to choose a partner based on qualities such as "decency," or "honesty," or his ability to provide for a family. But that's not enough anymore. Now we want to be inspired by our spouses! Daily!

- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT




5- you cannot stop the flood of desire as it moves through the world, inappropriate though it may sometimes be. It is the prerogative of all humans to make ludicrous choices, to fall in love with the most unlikely of partners, and to set themselves up for the most predictable of calamities.

- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT




6- As soon as you want somebody--really want him--it is as though you have taken a surgical needle and sutured your happiness to the skin of that person, so that any separation will now cause you a lacerating injury. All you know is that you must obtain the object of your desire by any means necessary, and then never be parted. All you can think about is your beloved. Lost in such primal urgency, you no longer completely own yourself. You have become an indentured servant to your own yearnings.

- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT




7- The problem with infatuation, of course, is that it's a mirage, a trick of the eye--indeed, a trick of the endocrine system. Infatuation is not quite the same thing as love; it's more like love's shady second cousin who's always borrowing money and can't hold down a job. When you become infatuated with somebody, you're not really looking at that person; you're just captivated by your own reflection, intoxicated by a dream of completion that you have projected on a virtual stranger. We tend, in such a state, to decide all sorts of spectacular things about our lovers that may or may not be true. We perceive something almost divine in our beloved, even if our friends and family might not get it. One man's Venus is another man's bimbo, after all, and somebody else might easily consider your personal Adonis to be a flat-out boring little loser.

- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT




8- To get anywhere close to unraveling this subject--women and marriage--we have to start with the cold, ugly fact that marriage does not benefit women as much as it benefits men. I did not invent this fact, and I don't like saying it, but it's a sad truth, backed up by study after study. By contrast, marriage as an institution has always been terrifically beneficial for men. If you are a man, say the actuarial charts, the smartest decision you can possibly make for yourself--assuming that you would like to lead a long, happy, healthy, prosperous existence--is to get married. Married men perform dazzlingly better in life than single men. Married men live longer than single men; married men accumulate more wealth than single men; married men excel at their careers above single men; married men are far less likely to die a violent death than single men; married men report themselves to be much happier than single men; and married men suffer less from alcoholism, drug addiction, and depression than do single men.

"A system could not well have been devised more studiously hostile to human happiness than marriage," wrote Percy Bysshe Shelley in 1813, but he was dead wrong, or at least with regard to male human happiness. There doesn't seem to be anything, statistically speaking, that a man does not gain by getting married.

Dishearteningly, the reverse is not true. Modern married women do not fare better in life than their single counterparts. Married women in America do not live longer than single women; married women do not accumulate as much wealth as single women (you take a 7 percent pay cut, on average, just for getting hitched); married women do not thrive in their careers to the extent single women do; married women are significantly less healthy than single women; married women are more likely to suffer from depression than single women; and married women are more likely to die a violent death than single women-usually at the hands of a husband, which raises the grim reality that, statistically speaking, the most dangerous person in the average woman's life is her own man.

All this adds up to what puzzled sociologists call the "Marriage Benefit Imbalance"--a tidy name for an almost freakishly doleful conclusion: that women generally lose in the exchange of marriage vows, while men win big.

Now before we all lie down under our desks and weep--which is what this conclusion makes me want to do--I must assure everyone that the situation is getting better. As the years go by and more women become autonomous, the Marriage Benefit Imbalance diminishes, and there are some factors that can narrow this inequity considerably. The more education a married woman has, the more money she earns, the later in life she marries, the fewer children she bears, and the more help her husband offers with household chores, the better her quality of life in marriage will be. If there was ever a good moment in Western history, then, for a woman to become a wife, this would probably be it. If you are advising your daughter on her future, and you want her to be a happy adult someday, then you might want to encourage her to finish her schooling, delay marriage for as long as possible, earn her own living, limit the number of children she has, and find a man who doesn't mind cleaning the bathtub. Then your daughter may have a chance at leading a life that is nearly as healthy and wealthy and happy as her future husband's life will be.

Nearly.

Because even though the gap has narrowed, the Marriage Benefit Imbalance persists. Given that this is the case, we must pause here for a moment to consider the mystifying question of why--when marriage has been shown again and again to be disproportionately disadvantageous to them--so many women still long for it so deeply. You could argue that maybe women just haven't read the statistics, but I don't think the question is that simple. There's something else going on here about women and marriage--something deeper, something more emotional, something that a mere public service campaign (DO NOT GET MARRIED UNTIL YOU ARE AT LEAST THIRTY YEARS OLD AND ECONOMICALLY SOLVENT!!!) is unlikely to change or to shape.

- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT




9- First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage? Even the very word "matrimony" comes to us from the Latin word for mother. We don't call marriage "patrimony." Matrimony carries an intrinsic assumption of motherhood, as though it is the babies themselves who make the marriage. Actually, often it is the babies themselves who make the marriage: Not only have many couples throughout history been forced into marriage thanks to an unplanned pregnancy, but sometimes couples waited until a successful pregnancy occurred before sealing the deal with matrimony in order to ensure that fertility would not later be a problem. How else could you find out whether your prospective bride or groom was a productive breeder except by giving the engine a test run? This was often the case in early American colonial society, in which--as the historian Nancy Cott has discovered--many small communities considered pregnancy to be a stigma-free, socially accepted signal that it was now time for a young couple to tie the knot.

But with modernity and the easy availability of birth control, the whole issue of procreation has become more nuanced and tricky. Now the equation is no longer "babies beget matrimony," or even necessarily "matrimony begets babies"; instead, these days it all comes down to three critical questions: when, how, and whether. Should you and your spouse happen to disagree on any of these questions, married life can become extremely complicated, because often our feelings about these three questions can be nonnegotiable.

- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT




10- Moreover, while the vague idea of motherhood had always seemed natural to me, the reality--as it approached--only filled me with dread and sorrow. As I got older, I discovered that nothing within me cried out for a baby. My womb did not seem to have come equipped with that famously ticking clock. Unlike so many of my friends, I did not ache with longing whenever I saw an infant.

- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT




11- The poet Jack Gilbert (no relation, sadly for me) wrote that marriage is what happens "between the memorable." He said that we often look back on our marriages years later, perhaps after one spouse has died, and all we can recall are "the vacations, and emergencies"--the high points and low points. The rest of it blends into a blurry sort of daily sameness. But it is that very blurred sameness, the poet argues, that comprises marriage. Marriage is those two thousand indistinguishable conversations, chatted over two thousand indistinguishable breakfasts, where intimacy turns like a slow wheel. How do you measure the worth of becoming that familiar to somebody--so utterly well known and so thoroughly ever-present that you become an almost invisible necessity, like air?

- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT




12- Marriage is a harness of civilization, linking a man to a set of obligations and thereby containing his restless energies. Traditional societies have long recognized that nothing is more useless to a community than a whole bunch of single, childless young men (aside from their admittedly useful role as cannon fodder, of course). For the most part, single young men have a global reputation for squandering their money on whores and drinking and games and laziness: They contribute nothing. You need to contain such beasts, to bind them into accountability--or so the argument has always gone. You need to convince these young men to put aside their childish things and take up the mantle of adult-hood, to build homes and businesses and to cultivate an interest in their surroundings. It's an ancient truism across countless different cultures that there is no better accountability forging tool for an irresponsible young man than a good, solid wife.

- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT




13- I forget sometimes.

I have to say this, because I think it's such an important point when it comes to marriage: I do forget sometimes how much it means for certain men--for certain people--to be able to provide their loved ones with material comforts and protection at all times. I forget how dangerously reduced some men can feel when that basic ability has been stripped from them. I forget how much that matters to men, what it represents.

- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT



14- As an old friend of mine once told me, you can measure the happiness of a marriage by the number of scars that each partner carries on their tongues, earned from years of biting back angry words.

- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT




15- The Polish philosopher and sociologist Zygmunt Bauman has written exquisitely about this subject. He believes that modern couples have been sold a bill of goods when they're told that they can and should have it both ways--that we should all have equal parts intimacy and autonomy in our lives. Somehow, Bauman suggests, we have mistakenly come to believe in our culture that if only we manage our emotional lives correctly we should each be able to experience all the reassuring constancy of marriage without ever once feeling remotely confined or limited. The magic word here--the almost fetishized word here--is "balance," and just about everybody I know these days seems to be seeking that balance with a near-desperate urgency. We are all trying, as Bauman writes, to force our marriages to "empower without disempowering, enable without disabling, fulfill without burdening."

But perhaps this is an unrealistic aspiration? Because love limits, almost by definition. Love narrows . The great expansion we feel in our hearts when we fall in love is matched only by the great restrictions that will necessarily follow.



- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT



16- First spouses, I have learned, don't ever really go away--even if you aren't speaking to them anymore. They are phantoms who dwell in the corners of our new love stories, never entirely vanishing from sight, materializing in our minds whenever they please, offering up unwelcome comments or bits of painfully accurate criticism. "We know you better than you know yourselves" is what the ghosts of our ex-spouses like to remind us, and what they know about us, unfortunately, is often not pretty.

"There are four minds in the bed of a divorced man who marries a divorced woman," says a fourth-century Talmudic document--and indeed, our former spouses do often haunt our beds. I still dream about my ex-husband, for instance, far more than I would ever have imagined back when I left him. Usually these dreams are agitating and confusing. On rare occasions, they are warm or conciliatory. It doesn't really matter, though: I can neither control the dreams nor stop them. He shows up in my subconscious whenever he pleases, entering without knocking. He still has the keys to that house

- Committed - ELIZABETH GILBERT


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1. Add ½ teaspoon of baking soda when boiling eggs. The shell will slide right off.


2. If you need to add more oil in the frying pan during the frying, add the oil along the edges of the frying pan so that when it reaches the ingredients cooked, it will be well heated.


3. Spice up meat and fish evenly. Sprinkle the salt and pepper as if they were a falling snow. This will prevent the accumulation of spices in some areas.


4. Freeze the meat in the freezer before slicing it for roasting or steaming. This will make it easier and faster to cut.




5. To get rid of the smell of garlic, rub your hands on the edges of the stainless-steel kitchen sink for thirty seconds and then wash them and watch how the smell will go.


6. Immerse potatoes in the water after cutting it to prevent them from darkening while waiting for oil to heat up and fry them.


7. Keep the spices in a dark, cool place, not near the stove. Heat and sunlight make spices lose their flavor over time.


8. After spicing up chicken or meat, leave them in the refrigerator for at least two hours until the spices are fully absorbed for a better taste.


9. Do not add salt to the salad until it is time to be served so that the vegetables won’t shrivel quickly.







10. Prepare the chicken stock in large quantities and store it in plastic bags or containers in the freezer. That way, you can use them later in preparing soups or other dishes without having to cook meat.


11. To get rid of the bad smell in the refrigerator, place a piece of charcoal or a cup filled with baking soda in the refrigerator door.


12. When cooking cauliflower, add a little milk and salt to the water to keep its whiteness.







13. Once the sauce can is opened, pour a little oil on the surface so that it does not spoil quickly in the refrigerator.


14. To cut the onion with tears, put the onions in the refrigerator for twenty minutes before slicing it.


15. To squeeze more juice out of a lemon, rub it between the palm of your hands a little or warm it for 10 seconds in the microwave.







16. To remove traces of eggs from dishes and spoons, rub a little sea salt then rinse with hot water and dry.


17. To easily peel boiled potatoes, placed them in cold water immediately after being boiled.


18. When burning food: Raise the cooking pot from the fire and directly immersed in cold water so that the burning taste won’t affect the undamaged parts of the food. Then transfer the saved food in another pot and complete the process of cooking.


19. To maintain the silver shiny: Put a finger of chalk in the silver drawer with spoons, forks, and knives, as it helps to absorb the moisture.







20. If your soup is too salty, you can get rid of the excess of salt by adding the ingredients used in the soup especially potatoes and carrots. They will help absorb the excess of salt.


21. Clean fat and oily spots that appear on the clothes as a result of the scattering of some food, with a sprinkle of baby powder right on the stained spot.



22. To prevent the creaking sound of the doors: cover the hinges with a thick layer of petroleum jelly.


23. Place a piece of charcoal next to the fish pan to absorb the odor,


24. To freshen the smell of the kitchen and get rid of the cooking smell, put some lemon slices in water and boil it for an hour.


25.
To easily peel the garlic: Put the garlic in cold water before peeling.







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Baking soda, a $1 kitchen staple that is probably already in your kitchen, can be a cheap alternative to many expensive spa treatments and be effective as much, should you give a chance. Below are 15 beauty uses for baking soda you need to know that will simplify your life:



1- Toothpaste: 

Dip your toothbrush with toothpaste into baking soda for an extra boost. Baking soda is commonly used in many kinds of toothpaste. Or you can simply dip your toothbrush into baking soda and brush your teeth.



2- Teeth Whitener


To whiten your teeth, make a paste of baking soda and water, rub your teeth with the mixture and leave it for 5 minutes then rinse your mouth.



3- Freshen your breath: 


Baking soda helps to neutralize odors, not just covering it up. Put one teaspoon in half a glass of water and use it to keep fresh breath.



4- Deodorant: 


Baking soda helps to neutralize the body odor, whether you put it on before or after sweating, the result is impressively effective. You can put baking soda onto your underarms or you can also fill an empty liquid deodorant bottle with water and add one teaspoon of baking soda.








5- Clean oral appliances: 


Add 2 teaspoon of baking soda in a glass of warm water and soak oral appliances, like retainers, dentures, and mouthpieces. It will loosen food particles and neutralize odors to keep them clean and fresh.



6- Facial scrub and body exfoliant: 


Make a paste of 3 parts baking soda to one part water. Rub in a gentle circular motion to exfoliate the skin then rinse clean. If your skin is dry, sensitive, or having acne problems, you may need to skip using baking soda on your skin.



7- Shampoo: 


Add some baking soda to your shampoo to give your hair more volume. It also works as an effective cleanser to remove dirt and oil leaving your hair lighter and more manageable. You can also use baking soda and water alone as a shampoo, it works better than many expensive shampoos (for foam, you can add some shampoo to the mixture). 




8- Dry shampoo: 


Sprinkle a little baking soda on the root and tousle your hair. It works the same as any other dry shampoo.



9- Clean your hair brush: 


Soak your hair brush in a bowl filled with warm water and 3 teaspoons of baking soda, rinse and allow to dry. It will help clean accumulated oil and other hair products.


10- Nail cleaner: 


Leaving nail polish for too long might leave stains behind. Clean your nail with a cotton dipped in the mixture of half glass of water and teaspoon of baking soda.


11- Sooth your feet: 


Soak your feet for 20 minutes in a bowl of warm water and 3 tablespoons of baking soda, you can add your favorite essential oil. Baking soda will help remove odors and bacteria from your feet. Then scrub your feet with baking soda paste to help exfoliate rough spots.






12- Hand cleanser and softener: 


Skip soap and gently scrub your hands with a paste of 3 part of baking soda to one part of water. It will help neutralize odor from your hands and make them softer.



13- Make a bath soak: 


Add a half cup of baking soda to your bathwater to wash away oil and perspiration. It will also make your skin feel very soft.



14- Treat insect bites and itchy skin: 


For insect bites, apply a paste of baking soda on the affected area. To ease the itch, from sunburn or allergic rashes, rub the damp skin with baking soda after bath or shower.


15- Relieve diaper rash: 


Add 2 teaspoon of baking soda in your baby’s bathwater to help relieve diaper rash.


















Expressing feelings vs expressing information

Even when women and men use the same words, they mean different things. For example, when a woman complains and says: “You never listen to me”, she doesn’t literally mean never, it’s rather a form to express her frustration. A man who isn’t aware of how different his language is from his woman might misunderstand her statement and instead of calming her down, feel defensive and say: “It’s not true that I never listen”. He’s invalidating his partner’s feelings and that will lead to more arguments.



When women talk:

A woman not only uses generalities when she’s upset but also uses it when she has a particular request. For her, being dramatic means she’s asking for support.

Like when a woman says: “We never go out”, she means: “I love going out with you and it’s been quite a long time since we went out last time. What do you think, would you care to take me out to dinner?”

Without understanding the difference between their languages, a man might perceive her statement like this: “You are not doing your job, what a disappointment you turned out to be, you’re being unromantic and plain boring.”



When men don’t talk:

It is challenging for men to correctly interpret women’s words as it is challenging for women to correctly interpret men’s silence.

A man processes information differently from a woman. While a woman explores her thoughts while talking to a good listener, a man thinks about his response before saying it. He formulates his opinion inside and then says it. This process might take from minutes to hours and sometimes, if he doesn’t have the answer, he might not respond at all. This can be utterly confusing to the woman when she doesn’t understand the difference of languages between men and women.

When a man is silent, it simply means that he doesn’t have the answer yet to respond. However, women often mistakenly interpret his silence as a sign that he doesn’t care about her, that he’s ignoring her and thinking that what she said isn’t important enough to respond to which is understandable, because a woman only stay silent when she doesn’t want to talk to the person because she doesn’t trust him anymore or when what she had to say would be hurtful.



Women, understand your man’s silence:


Women have to learn that when a man is upset or stressed out, he will stay silent and go into a sort of “cave”. No one is allowed to disturb him or ask him to get out of that cave. A woman has to accept her man’s reaction against stress and problems and not view his retreat as a sign that he’s ignoring her. She needs to understand that to support her man, she needs, not to make him talk by asking him questions the way she wants to be supported but to respect his need to retreat into his cave.



Eventually, the man will come out of his cave when he’s ready and feeling better, meanwhile, the woman has to distract herself and enjoy doing other things. Here is a list of things a woman can enjoy while her man is in his “cave”:

- Read a book

- Call a girlfriend for a good chat

- Write in a journal

- Work in the garden

- Go shopping

- Exercise

- Cook something you love



Don’t show your man how sorry you are for him when he’s stressed out, however hard it might be, instead let him know that you trust him and you trust that he can sort things out himself. This is very important for his self-esteem and pride. Men do pride themselves for their achievements and successes. They need to prove themselves.

It’s difficult for a woman not to worry about someone she cares about, it simply doesn’t make sense for her to be happy when the one she loves is upset. The man, however, wants his woman to be happy, even when he is upset, that way, he’ll feel loved better and he’ll have one less problem to worry about.



Men, understand your woman’s talking:
Women talk about everything and anything related or not and in no logical order. Women, pride themselves on the quality of their relationships, they believe that the more they share with their partner, the strongest their bond is. However, when they talk, they’re not asking for advice or a solution for their problems, they just want someone to listen and show them empathy. Men, who never talk about their problems and only talk when they need an expert advice, mistakenly assume that their woman is asking for advice or blaming them for their problems, they get frustrated, confused, overwhelmed and defensive.

A woman needs to remind her partner that she’s not sharing her feelings to blame him, that it’s not his fault and that she appreciates him, and men, need to practice listening without feeling defensive and try to restrain themselves from giving a solution. A man needs to understand that complaining doesn’t mean that his woman is blaming him and that by complaining, she’s gradually letting go of her frustrations.

Eventually, the woman will feel much better and calmer after a few minutes of talking.





Men and women, need to stop offering support the way they want to be supported and when misunderstanding arises, remember that we speak different languages.









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