Guest post by 

I’d had serious relationships before meeting my fiance, with a couple lasting for years. I thought I was an adult; I thought I knew how to be a great girlfriend. Meeting someone I had a serious connection with taught me that nothing I had experienced before was real. True love feels different than casual relationships – even if those relationships lasted for years (often well past their expiration date!). When you’re in a good relationship, you learn things. You act differently; you think as part of a team, not as an individual making your way through the world. You’ll be more understanding and accepting of your partner, instead of just getting frustrated with them like you may have with past relationships.

1. Misunderstandings are inevitable.

Misunderstandings are going to happen. If you take your partner’s words one way, then learn they meant something totally different, don’t punish them. Let it go. Bringing it up all the time is only going to bruise the relationship and cause communication problems later. Sometimes what you say or do will be taken the wrong way, and you’ll get frustrated that your partner doesn’t understand. Take a step back and realize it’s not a big deal. Misunderstandings are made to be swept under the rug because they’re so minor. They only become problems if you let them grow bigger and mean more in the scope of your relationship. Be laid back and forgive misunderstandings.

2. Learn to trust them.
You have to trust your partner. Why would you share your life with someone when you think they’re doing something wrong every time you turn your back? If you don’t trust your partner to be faithful, honest, caring, or anything else, then you’re not in a good relationship. The best relationships begin with a deep trust, and even if problems come up (and they will!), the trust is strong enough to keep you together.

3. Let yourselves miss each other.

You’re in love, so you want to be together all the time! It’s so fun to cuddle all night and be together all day, but when will you have time to experience different things? When you go to separate workplaces or schools, you experience things that will give you something to talk about later. When you go out with your friends and your partner spends time with theirs, you have time and space to yourself and come back to each other refreshed. You have a chance to miss each other, and it helps you really understand the value of your relationship. Missing someone is great because getting to see them after that period will make you so happy and so sure of your relationship.

4. Encourage growth and change.

In a good relationship, both partners are encouraged to grow and change. You have one life to live – you should explore it to the fullest! If you want to quit your job and go back to school, your partner should support you. If you want to try something new or go back to something old, you should find support in your relationship. And you should give this support in return. Encourage your partner to explore hobbies and interests and meet new people. If you want your partner to stay the same, you’re going to have a very boring life together.

5. Compromising doesn’t mean you’re weak.

Compromising doesn’t mean “giving in.” It doesn’t mean that you’ve lost the fight. In fact, it’s the opposite. Do you know how hard it is to compromise sometimes? You want your way because it sounds right and makes sense to you. Your partner is way off base with their suggestions. Take a step back and look at the argument diplomatically. What’s the logical conclusion? If your partner is right, don’t be afraid to say so. Accept their way, or modify both of your solutions to be half and half. The important thing is not getting your way, it’s staying in your relationship and helping it grow. Compromising will definitely help your relationship grow.

6. Admit your weaknesses.

Your partner doesn’t expect you to be a superhero, and hopefully, you don’t expect that of them! We’re all human; we all have flaws. It’s ok to let these show. In fact, to have a stable, serious relationship, you need to let your weaknesses be known. Your partner will be more sensitive to things that bother you, and can help build you up in areas where you need some help.

7. Sometimes you can only accept things, not fix them.

People have baggage. You have some. Your partner has some. Can you go back and erase all of this? Nope! You’re stuck with it, and have to learn to deal with it. Some things are easier to get over than others, but the reality is that sometimes, you can’t fix things. You can’t make problems go away. You have to accept them and get over them and move on, or else your relationship will crumble.

8. Forgive quickly and truly.

Whenever you have a fight, don’t worry about who wins or who loses. Learn from the fight – from what was said as much as from how it was resolved. Once you learn from a fight, you can apply that lesson to your relationship to avoid trouble later. That’s all well and good, but you’re not done! Forgive your partner! Forgive yourself. The fight is over, you’re past it, now let it go. Never hold anything against your partner because the resentment will build until you don’t want to be with them.

9. Never expect anything.

Don’t expect your partner to read your mind, or to bring you breakfast in bed, or to offer to wash the dishes. It’s not going to happen. You can’t expect anything from anyone – you have to make it known. Communicate. Make sure your partner knows what you expect from the relationship, as well as your opinions on a wide variety of issues. This will help them act considerate towards you, but still – don’t expect anything!

10. Show your feelings.

The worst thing you can do in a relationship is play games. Don’t tease your partner; don’t “reward” good deeds with love and affection. You have to make sure your partner always feels loved. You can be happy with them or be mad at them – it doesn’t matter – they just need to feel loved. They need to know your feelings in the moment as well, don’t get me wrong. But make sure you’re showing your feelings in a way that they won’t be misunderstood (back to #1!).

My childhood wasn't easy, nor was my teenage years obviously, but then when I grow up and become more conscious of the world around and learned more about life and myself, I decided that it was high time I changed and became happy. I wanted a fresh start with a new college, new friends, new place... I was running from my past, I thought that since it was my source of misery, I should then distance myself as far as I can from it. 

It went fine until I came across an experience similar to another experience I had in the past, right then it seemed to me as if I failed in the change I wanted to make because I was acting in my same old ways. Like for example if I saw some of my friends from the past, I feel blocked and I would talk to them the way I used to do in the past, which I was putting in efforts to change it and it worked as long as my past wasn't concerned. I knew then that I can't keep running from my past anymore.

"Most of our present blockages can be traced back to a past life. Dealing with problems only in the present can be likened to mowing dandelions. You can cut them down, but they'll keep popping up again and again. It's only by digging down into the roots that you can prevent them from resurfacing." Denise Linn

What made me understand that my source of problems is nothing else but my past, was a book I had the chance to read, it's "Past lives, present miracles" for Denise Linn. It's a journey of healing, not just spiritually, but also physically eventually. Below are some of what I've learned through this journey of healing:

Understand, then take the decision!

My biggest source of complexes was my mom, I'm not ashamed to say so. When I was a child, I felt shameful to even think that I hated my mom, I mean everyone loves his mom, don't they. But I'm not ashamed of thinking so anymore, if my mom did me much harm and I couldn't get along with her, then it's okay, I'm not going to force things anymore, most of all, I'm not going to go after her for approval and I won't let it hurt me or upset me to be treated badly. I now understand that it's not about me, whatever she did wasn't because I somehow didn't deserve to be loved or because I did anything wrong, no! It was all about the person she was, and it's fine. I can't change her. Even expecting someone to change is a sort of trying to change people, but I still can change my response.

When my family sits for lunch or dinner, mom wouldn't get me a plate or a spoon. It used to hurt me of course and make my mind go wild thinking of all the reasons why she does that. I used to feel worthless, but then when I grow up, although I become less sensitive, this keeps upsetting me somehow and I feel bad about myself because I think that I failed to change
. Now regressing back to the first times I felt upset because of her act, I understand that it wasn't me being worthless or doing anything bad. It was about my mom, the person she is. Why she did and still doing this doesn't matter, I can't understand her, I can't change. I can't make her love me, let alone accept me. I don't really know about love, I mean every mother should be loving her children, but as for acceptance I never felt accepted by her. She did me wrong enough and i'm letting go of trying to have her approval.

When I was young, mom used to tell me that I was ugly especially when she takes pictures and we watch them later. I grow up thinking that I'm ugly, it was especially related to pictures. When I looked at my reflection in the mirror I wasn't seeing ugliness so I lived normal, but when taking pictures is concerned I would freak out and do everything to not appear in any picture. I ended up growing with no pictures for my teenage self except for those used for formal papers and school and it alone was a nightmare. When I grow up and decided to change, I started taking pictures of myself, and I thought that bit by bit I'll get used to it and I'll get over my phobia. Yet, when someone wants to take a picture of me with people I would often panic, sometimes I refuse to take it with them but often I force myself and I would come out nervous and it would show in the pictures. I was seeing it as a failure, me who had been working hard to change and get over my complexes, I lost so much weight, I went through a surgery to remove my glasses, tried a lot of product for my skin, cut and dyed my hair..., forgetting that the only thing I should be working on is the source of the problem; My past, my mother who made me believe that I look ugly in pictures. Now, as I went through my childhood pictures, I didn't see any ugliness, I only saw a beautiful, special little girl, full of joy and life. I don't know what made mom say I was ugly and I can't change her mind and make her believe that I'm beautiful the way I am. I can only let it go and change her words in my mind, now that I understand that it wasn't about me, probably she was too blind to see how special her daughter was, maybe her close mind pictures a single way for a little girl to be beautiful.

I wanted to feel accepted and who doesn't! Yet, I was denying myself in the process. Each time I feel like I want to be myself, something comes in my way and holds me back, which would be often my family, disapproving for my talk or deeds. So as I grow up I divided people into two groups, others who are normal and me who is not. I always felt like I'm out of place, different in every kind of way, I found their language hard somehow thus I couldn't express myself properly. Now that I'm grown up I wanted so bad to be myself, so I tried and worked so hard on that. As I came out to the public the same blocks had appeared, but now as I regressed back to my past I remembered that I wasn't originally from here, I spent the first years of my childhood in a different city. I then started accepting myself and seeing myself finally as a normal person, most of all I started being myself and talking with my own accent. Being different now doesn't feel odd to me anymore because I know I'm not alone, there are people like me out there, it's just me in a different place with different people and it's okay. I know that people instinctively refuse anything different, I don't have to be the way they want me to be, they won't be pleased anyhow, so I made the decision that when someone gets in my way and tries to deny who I am, I'll let it go and keep moving on whether they accepted me or not. Not being accepted, isn't a sign that I'm not a good of a person, it's a sign that I'm different and that's fine.

Some of us might hold themselves subconsciously from material abundance, I myself, since I was a child, used to feel bad about being rich. It's not that I was that wealthy, but I used to like poverty better. It's ironic because I know that a lot of people out there are suffering from poverty. When I was a child I couldn't wear any of my new clothes, not until they stayed in the closet for a couple of years before wearing them for the first time, it was weird, but even as I grow up, I still felt that discomfort whenever I'm about to wear something new, wishing somehow I wouldn't have to wear it and wear my old ones instead, but I couldn't allow myself anymore. I got to get over this. Yet, it wasn't just a matter of forcing yourself until I get use to it, I had to regress back to the past to understand why I'm doing that. I used to be sad when I was a child, so I attributed it to wealth. I used to consider it my source of my misery and each time I go through an experience where I'm exposed to wealth it blocks me and brings back past memories of me being sad. When I go to a fancy house, I feel suffocated. When I got to choose a new place to move in, I come across many houses and I thought that most of them were too fancy to live in, I chose the least fancy house among them. It's not like I can't afford a decent one, but I knew that I won't feel comfortable in a fancy house. I couldn't allow myself to have anything of a value. Right then, I thought that something is wrong and that it was high time I made peace with it, be okay with being rich and start feeling comfortable with rich people and with being in their houses. Now that I understand that my sadness back then had nothing to do with being wealthy or not, I decided to allow myself abundance.

One shouldn't underestimate the effect of a past incident on our present life. I was running away from my past because it hurts. Yet, I still feel the same hurt each time I experience something similar to a past experience, which means that I'm subconsciously a prisoner to that past, and the right way to heal from my pain, isn't to run away and start a new life, it's to make peace with my past before moving on to something else.

"Past-life regression is healing because it allows you to get to the source of your problems; until then, you're dealing with symptoms rather than causes." Denise Linn

Understand it, take the decision and change your present and that's all it takes.

A book can be far much better than a partner. It doesn't hurt you, break your heart or leave you. It entertains you when you need to. It gives you an escape when reality sucks. It teaches you all the lessons you need to face this life. It doesn't make you feel worthless. It rather makes you feel understood. It makes you feel at home, happy and fulfilled. A book can be far much better than a partner, now can you disagree? Below are some great quotes for books lover to inspire you:

1- A book is a dream that you hold in your hand. –Neil Gaiman

2- So many books, so little time. ― Frank Zappa

3- A room without books is like a body without a soul. ― Marcus Tullius Cicero

4- Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book. –Author Unknown

5- The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid. ― Jane Austen

6- I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to make sense. –Harold Kushner

7- There are many little ways to enlarge your child’s world. Love of books is the best of all. –Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

8- I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library. ― Jorge Luis Borges

9- Whenever you read a good book, somewhere in the world a door opens to allow in more light. –Vera Nazarian

10- There is no friend as loyal as a book. ― Ernest Hemingway

11- Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore? – Henry Ward Beecher

12- A great book should leave you with many experiences, and slightly exhausted at the end. You live several lives while reading. – William Styron

13- Books are mirrors. You only see in them what you already have inside of you. -Carlos Zafon

14- I divide all readers into two classes; those who read to remember and those who read to forget. – William Lyon Phelps

15- You are today who you’ll be in five years except for the people you meet and the books you read.” –Charlie “Tremendous” Jones

16- One must always be careful of books and what is inside them, for words have the power to change us. ― Cassandra Clare

17- If we encounter a man of rare intellect, we should ask him what books he reads. –Ralph Waldo Emerson

18- Great books help you understand, and they help you feel understood. –John Green

19- There is a great deal of difference between an eager man who wants to read a book and the tired man who wants a book to read. – Gilbert K. Chesterton

20- I cannot live without books.” –Thomas Jefferson

21- The only important thing in a book is the meaning that it has for you. –W. Somerset Maugham

22- There’s nothing wrong with reading a book you love over and over. –Gail Carson Levine

23- There’s nothing wrong with reading a book you love over and over. –Gail Carson Levine

24- Books open your mind, broaden your mind, and strengthen you as nothing else can. -William Feather

25- Some books should be tasted, some devoured, but only a few should be chewed and digested thoroughly. ― Francis Bacon

26- There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them. –Joseph Brodsky

27- You know you’ve read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you have lost a friend. –Paul Sweeney

28- Be awesome! Be a book nut! –Dr. Seuss

29- I cannot sleep unless I am surrounded by books. –Jorge Luis Borges

30- I cannot remember the books I’ve read any more than the meals I have eaten; even so, they have made me. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

31- Sleep is good, and books are better. ― George R.R. Martin

32- Books are the perfect entertainment: no commercials, no batteries, hours of enjoyment for each dollar spent. What I wonder is why everybody doesn't carry a book around for those inevitable dead spots in life. ― Stephen King

33- A good book has no ending. –R.D. Cumming

34- Books are the training weights of the mind. -Epictetus

35- If you love books enough, books will love you back. –Jo Walton

36- Some books leave us free and some books make us free. –Ralph Waldo Emerson

37- That is a good book which is opened with expectation and closed with profit. –Amos Bronson Alcott

38- Once you learn to read, you will be forever free. –Frederick Douglas

39- A book is a device to ignite the imagination. –Alan Bennett

40- Think before you speak. Read before you think. ― Fran Lebowitz

41- The worth of a book is to be measured by what you can carry away from it. –James Bryce

42- To read without reflecting is like eating without digesting. –Edmund Burke

43- Books can be dangerous. The best ones should be labeled ‘This could change your life.’ –Helen Exley

44- Books are my friends, my companions. They make me laugh and cry and find meaning in life. ― Christopher Paolini

45- If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need. ― Marcus Tullius Cicero

46- We live for books. ― Umberto Eco

47- Books are the plane, and the train, and the road. They are the destination, and the journey. They are home. ― Anna Quindlen

48- What I say is, a town isn’t a town without a bookstore. It may call itself a town, but unless it’s got a bookstore, it knows it’s not foolin’ a soul. ― Neil Gaiman

49- I read a book one day and my whole life was changed. ― Orhan Pamuk

50- Never judge a book by its movie. –J.W. Eagan

51- A book is a version of the world. If you do not like it, ignore it; or offer your own version in return. –Salman Rushdie

52- Rereading, we find a new book. –Mason Cooley

53- A book is like a garden carried in the pocket. –Chinese Proverb

54- Many people, myself among them, feel better at the mere sight of a book. ― Jane Smiley

55- That's the thing about books. They let you travel without moving your feet. ― Jhumpa Lahiri

When it comes to marriage, a lifetime commitment, love alone wouldn't be enough, there's so much to consider before taking the decision to share your life with one person, one right person.

Below are some things you got to consider and to agree on when taking the decision to marry someone apart from love:

1- Sharing interests:

While everyone is unique and has his full right to be so, you need to have some interests in common with your partner. Otherwise, there would be a gap between the two of you growing up each day a little wider, because when being totally different, having different habits and preferring to do different things, you'll end up spending time apart often. Like when one prefers camping and nature while the other wants to go to some hotel or resort. You might end up having separate vacations.

You'll always have your differences, we don't aim to be a copy of the other one, but we aim to compromise and meet each other halfway. You can always enjoy the things you have in common but if you don't have anything in common, you'll spend your whole time compromising and there will be no more time left to enjoy each other.

2- Religion:

When being different you got to respect, if not accept, each other's beliefs. But if you're religious and you practice your religion, religion might be a problem if your partner has a different religion or has no religion at all. I didn't believe in this until I experienced it first-hand, it wasn't a marriage though. I was religious and he didn't believe in god, the deal was to respect each other, but then while I had things 
forbidden by my religion I couldn't, for the good, he had no limits. I thought then that a man with no religion, is a man with no principles. When you believe that ain't no God to judge you, that no one is going to judge you, you eventually will do what you want, good and bad would be the same for you seeing that ain't no consequences for it. Well maybe some laws are settled to be the judge, but when no one is watching, what would hold you from doing harm to yourself and to others! Also, he always would be thinking of how silly for me to believe in God and he would try to change my beliefs each time the subject is brought up, which in case you practice your religion, would be brought up often. You see, even if your partner didn't say anything about it, he would always have his thoughts about it.

3- Money:

While money can't buy you happiness, it might make you miserable when you both can't agree on it. This includes first your life plans, how is it the life you want to live? how big your house would be, or is it just an apartment, until you need something bigger? Will you both need cars? How do you want to spend your money? If you're a luxury lover then you might want to discuss this matter sooner because money after all, is a need.

4- Your dreams:

It's important for you both to fulfill your dreams, even though sometimes one will end up compromising for the other, you got to discuss those dreams. Like if you love traveling or your career requires for you to be far away sometimes, you need to find something in between so that you won't have to give up on your dreams and it won't do any harm for your relationship either. A marriage shouldn't be an obstacle in front of your dreams, at the opposite it should motivate you to accomplish even more.

5- Past, Present, Future:

We don't judge anyone, we respect people the way they are, but when it comes to marriage and sharing a lifetime, you may want to consider his past, present and mostly make sure that your future plans meet. His past and background can affect your relationship, the habits, the manners, I know that people can change, but not quite that much, not the way you think and you can't expect your partner to change at the first place. Even after 20 years from now, you'll still look at your partner and feel like he's the same person you knew 20 years back. We don't change overnight, we might improve though. So don't hold onto the thought that he will change and things will get better. You just accept that person the way he is now.

6- Anger and stress responses:

Anger and stress is inevitable. While we don't aim to never feel any of it, we aim to learn how to manage it and respond better to it each time. But some people tend to act aggressively when they get angry or they stress about something, this aggressiveness might turn to physical abuse. That, you need to take in consideration, you don't want to find yourself abused in your marriage some day, and he who threats to beat you, will actually do, and he who beats once, will beat you tenth. He who is abusive won't change unless he receives help from experts. So do not fool yourself.

7- Your views on household duties:

You'll share everything, you both can be working, so naturally, you two will have to share house chores. Sometimes, some guys don't accept this, but also some women think that this is a woman's duty and they want to do it by themselves, either way, you'll have to discuss your preferences. Now this might be among the details, but you see some break up because of those tiny details. It can sometimes be too irritating that it leaves you stressing all the time, it feels like fighting for "the same old shit". And small fights can hide bigger problems

Love can blind us sometimes. It's hard to hear an advise when you're too drowned in your own fantasies.

The goal from this isn't to pick up a perfect partner, far from it, you just want someone who's right for you, someone perfectly imperfect. Perfection can't be loved, it's the imperfection we love, the more imperfect your partner is, the more you'll feel closer to him, more able to complete him where he needs you.

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily." Zig Ziglar

For that, we need to keep up some inspiration every now and then to remind us of the lessons we learned and all the decisions we took at some time to make the change we need. 

Below are some inspirational quotes to help you keep a flame of hope and motivation in your soul when you're going through life.

1. Remind yourself that you don't have to do what everyone else is doing.

2. Action expresses priorities.

3. Don't be afraid to give up the good and go for the great.

4. Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket.

5. There is no luck except where there is discipline.

6. Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.

7. Sometimes the thing we can't change end up changing us.

8. You are beautiful in all YOUR ways.

9. Nothing you wear is more important than your smile.

10. Don't let perfection become procrastination. Do it now.

11. Giving is a lifestyle.

12. You'll never leave where you are until you decide where you'd rather be.

13. In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

14. A lesson I’ve learned is that looks don’t matter. If you love someone you’ll always see them beautiful.

15. Speak up, don't hide your thoughts and feelings, especially when you can make a difference.

16. We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.

17. A dream is not something that you wake up from, but something that wakes you up. 

18. You have to believe in yourself when no one else does - that makes you a winner right there.

19. Your life is your message to the world. Make sure it's inspiring.

20. You become what you believe.

21. How you make others feel about themselves, says a lot about you.

22. Everyone Dies. But not everyone really lives.

23. We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.

24. You don't need a reason to help people.

25. The greatest gap in life is the one between knowing and doing.

26. Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.

27. Live a life you are proud of.

28. Love and kindness move mountains

29. No matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, you can still turn around.

30. You don't need a reason to help people.

31. The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one.

32. Don't think outside the box. Think like there is no box.

33. Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness.

34. Stop wishing and start doing.

35. We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own.

Previous PostOlder Posts Home