Adulthood comes almost as a shock, it seems like you went from being a child to an adult over a night. You wanted freedom badly, you wanted to be on your own, and you even fantasized about it for a while, but then when it comes, you feel somehow abandoned. It feels as if you were forced to be out of your parents’ house. It’s true that you wanted your own place, but you didn’t think about being out of your parents’, the very one you spend your whole childhood calling it your home. Suddenly, it ceased to be yours. Maybe you thought that you still can go to you parent’s house every now and then, your room will always be there for you and at the same time you’ll have your own house as well. But then no! Once you’re out, you cease to belong to your old home now that you have a new home. Even your old room won’t feel yours anymore.
Then comes the “firsts”, the first time you have to fix something in your house, the first bill you have to pay… The small details becomes a life or a death matter; the doors and windows you have to make sure they’re close each time you go out, the grocery you’ll have to keep up with lets you end up with no dinner… And no matter how much chores you thought you were taking care of back at your parents’, it seems like you haven’t done half of what you have to do now. You learn, after all, that you can’t live alone. You can be alone in your house, but not in your life, you’ll eventually need friends and family. Even if you managed to do a lot of things on your own and you didn’t need to ask for help, the mere thought that you have someone by your side, someone you can always run to whenever it gets overwhelming, is a relief. Below are some small tips that will help you move on with your life:
1- Talk to as much people as you can:
When moving on your own, you might have had privacy and freedom as a priority on your list, but having friends isn’t necessarily going to invade your privacy. Most importantly we need to have friends, we live in a community because we need each other. And the best thing that will get you to adapt to your new life is having friends.
While one shouldn’t be too imposing when it comes to knowing new people, you’ll have to talk to as much people as you can, you’ll have to forget about your insecurities for a while and try to be nice and be on your best behave. Very few of those people will make good friends for you so don’t expect much when you make a conversation with someone, you may feel like you hit up and you may have a good feeling about your new acquaintance, while it turns out that the meeting is a first and last conversation you have with him. Most importantly, be yourself, don’t pretend to be someone else to get their attention, and without you knowing you’ll be surrounded by some good friends.
2- Go out:
It would be best with friends, but even alone, if it’s safe for you, you should go out whenever you can. Even when you can’t, you might consider making time for going out. Hanging around in a new place and going on sightseeing can cure stress that no medication can, especially if the place had much nature. Being a stranger can be a stressful matter on its own.
You also should consider the safety matter when being a stranger in a new town. It’s not just about being out at night, but some places can be deserted in mornings and active at nights when it’s safer to be out there.
3- Allow yourself to make mistakes:
Now that you have no one to blame, your decisions becomes heavier because you’ll be assuming the consequences of the choices you made all by yourself. You might grow nervous whenever you have to make a choice or take a decision, but then you have to allow yourself to make mistakes, it’s your best way to learn. You shouldn’t take responsibility too seriously. I’m not saying that we should be careless, but sometimes you just have to do your best, try to make the right choices each time, or what seemed to be right for you at that deciding moment. Because you see no matter how wrong the decision you made, it might turn out to bring a lot of good, so, do what you can do and forget about the rest! Be careless if you have to, worrying isn’t good for your health, it steals away your moment, your happiness. A moment spent worrying is a lost moment.
4- Get involved in some activities:
Going to a gym or even practicing in nature would be great not only for your body, but also, it will emotionally makes you feel way too better, and when being a stranger, you will need such activities most. Get involved in some charitable work, volunteer when you have the chance… that way you’ll meet more people and you’ll have enough distraction for you not to feel nostalgic and alone.
5- Change your habits:
Especially when in case you have moved on to another country, you’ll need to give the locals’ habits a try. If they eat dinner early and sleep early as well, do as they do. If they go out on picnics or any other outgoing, do it as well.
Through these new habits, you’ll be able to feel more connected to the place and to the people, you’ll start to feel like you belong. It doesn’t mean that you’ll leave your roots behind and change yourself. You are not your habits or your value, you’re much bigger than that, changing a habit doesn’t mean letting go of a part of yourself. One should be flexible enough if he ever wanted to live somewhere else. Eventually, one of the most important lessons you’ll learn when living somewhere else from your childhood place is flexibility and being open minded. Because you’ll see different people with different beliefs and habits and you’ll have to accept it all the same.
Growing up is a privilege, and moving on your own, as much challenging as it sounds, is a great experience that will get you to grow up the way you need to.